As I was getting ready for bed last night I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew Aunt Flow was about to make her unwanted appearance. I prepared as I usually do because without fail I always end up waking up in crippling pain feeling like there is an alien life form inside my uterus attempting to make it’s way out by any means necessary… sounds pleasant, right? So I put my extra strength Tylenol on my nightstand and the heating pad was plugged in and ready to go and I drifted off to sleep.

Then BAM! There it was just as I suspected; intense pain. I woke up a little after 2 am and laid in bed, dreading the walk to the bathroom because I knew what I would find. After a while I knew I had to get up. So I walked the longest 20 feet of my life and there she was waiting for me, Aunt Flow. Every month I tell myself that I’m not going to cry if I get my period, but without fail the second it comes so do the water works. I stumbled, blurry-eyed back to our bedroom to get a few things and then assumed my position on the couch. So with my blanket and heating pad I sat in the fetal position and cried, while watching Friends of course. Nick at Night is my go-to channel for this all too familiar late night routine. And if Friends isn’t on (don’t worry, it’s always on) then don’t you worry, I’ve got the seasons on DVD. Insert my new motto here: Because if you can’t laugh, all you do is cry.

I cried for a while and tried to pull myself together… it didn’t work. So I walked my hot mess self back to our bedroom and crawled in bed next to my husband. He knew. He always does. So he did what he does best; he held me. As we laid there spooning and me still crying he rubbed my back, kissed my head and comforted me without saying a word.

After a while the sobbing shifted to just a few straggling tears and intense hurt. Hurt from the physical pain of the demon cramps and hurt from the emotional pain of this once again not being the month I would end up pregnant. So I rolled out of bed to let Nathan get a few more minutes of sleep before his 4 am wakeup call and I headed back out to the couch to let my mind overreact wander.

As if I wasn’t already emotional enough about today lets just throw in a period to really make me irrational. Today is the day I’m heading to see my doctor for the first time to find out what the hell do I do next what our next steps are. I hope she is able to pick up a few words through the sobs that will inevitably flow the instant I step foot in her office. No idea what to expect for today or at this point how I’m even going to get through it. One thing is for sure, the second I step out of her office I’ll be heading straight to the nearest store to stock up on my personal depression cocktail of wine and cookie dough. Hello Friday Night!



One thought on “9/4/15 – The B**** Is Back!

  1. Sam, this is so well written and I’m intrigued. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this heartache. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.


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