FSH: F****** Stupid Hormones! Ok so that’s not exactly what FSH stands for, but I’m beginning to think this is a much better description for the acronym. FSH (Follicle-stimulating hormone) in women stimulates the ovaries to produce eggs. This is the hormone my doctor checked when I had my bloodwork done last week. And let’s just say that my results weren’t exactly great and I feel like Mother Nature just gave me a swift punch in the gut.
I was sitting at work today when my phone vibrated and I saw my Dr.’s office on the caller id. I picked it up and ran to the break room for some privacy. I cry a lot, but I don’t like to do it in public. I answered the call and as the nurse said, “We have the results of your bloodwork and they weren’t what we hoped for.” My heart immediately sank and of course cue instant water works. She said, “Your FSH levels are high which the doctor wasn’t expecting and we’ll need you to repeat the bloodwork test again next month so we can compare the results.” She also said a few other things that I couldn’t understand over my sobs so I simply muttered OK and hung up the phone.
Insert immediate panic attack here… What the hell is an FSH? Why is mine high? What is normal? Can I even get pregnant? And for God’s sake when does Grey’s Anatomy come back on and how is Meredith ever going to make it without McDreamy? OK, maybe not so much the last question, but all the others were valid. And of course I immediately turn to Google which clearly did not calm me down. I finally called my doctor’s office back and asked to speak to the nurse again because I had some serious questions about my test results and what this all means. She got on the phone and I apologized for losing it earlier and told her that I had some time to
freak out and google process what she had just told me and that I would like to ask her a few questions. I’m still convinced all these doctors and nurses are speaking a foreign language, but she tried her best to explain. “Normal FSH levels should be 2.5 – 10.2 and we were hoping yours would be in the 3-5 range. Your level was at a 10.5.” In this case bigger is apparently not always better. High FSH levels mean that my body is working harder to produce good eggs and could be an indication that I have a low level of ovarian reserves. So apparently my so called over-reacting about turning 30 in November because ‘my eggs are dying’ wasn’t really over-reacting at all. Now granted they are just slightly on the high side and it could be much, much higher, but my doctor still thinks this could potentially be why we haven’t gotten knocked up conceived yet.
Now obviously this is completely worst case scenario and we don’t know one way or another just yet about the condition of my eggs, but it’s definitely NOT the news I wanted to hear. I told the nurse I needed a worst case scenario. I don’t want someone telling me, “Sure there’s still a chance you can get pregnant” if that chance is only a once in a lifetime ‘Jesus walking on water’ kind of miracle. She said she wasn’t comfortable giving me a doom and gloom scenario and that she would have my doctor call me as soon as she was available. So once again, I waited.
An agonizing 30 min later the phone rang again and my doctor said all the same things the nurse had and I told her I needed to know what we are really looking at here. She said we will know more after the second round of blood work, but (insert gut punch here), “Unfortunately people with high FSH levels have a much lower pregnancy rate and a higher miscarriage rate if they are able to become pregnant without the use of an egg donor.” I stopped her immediately right there because I wasn’t quite as ready for all the doom and gloom as I thought I was. I thanked her for her time and for putting up with me as usual. I told her that I would do my best not to panic any more than I already was and that I would wait until the next round of bloodwork before I
panicked. I did let her know that I’m a lunatic and by my next appointment I would basically be an expert on high FSH levels, Premature Ovarian Aging and everything that goes with it. She ended the conversation with a positive outlook and said the magic word… HOPE. There is always hope. really went into a severe state of depression
So here we are… 3 o’clock on a Monday afternoon and I’m already in my sweatpants and half way into this bottle of wine. Don’t worry, I left work early and am conveniently positioned on my couch where I plan to remain FOREVER! Or at least until I have to get up for work tomorrow. I mean what would you do if you were basically just told you’re a 29 year old with the ovaries of a 39 year old?! So please, leave your judgment at home and pick up a glass or bottle of wine and bring it on over because I’m running low!
I don’t have any words of wisdom or positive thoughts for today, because some days just suck!