Ever feel like your life is a movie? You stop in a coffee shop and lock eyes with a Ryan Gosling look alike. As he leaves, you decide to leave your number with the barista in case for some reason Mr. Right decides to come back in because your 5 second unspoken connection was so meaningful that he’s decided he can’t live without you, comes back in for your phone number and then you live happily ever after. All of this to the tune of Carole King’s, “One Fine Day”. Every girls rom-com fantasy come true, right?

Well lucky for me, my real-life movie seems to be more like Groundhog Day. Just me, Bill Murray and good ole’ Punxsutawney Phil hanging out each month. Instead of looking for my shadow, I’m searching for those illusive two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Month after month of ovulation sticks, wine, charting, wine, meds and more wine. All leading up to that excruciating 3-5 minute waiting period just to have my dreams crushed with the appearance of only one stupid pink line. Maybe if I just draw in the second pink line with some fingernail polish I can trick my body into getting pregnant? I realize that’s not at all how this whole pregnancy thing works, but I’m starting to get desperate here people.

I seem to be in this infinite time loop and my life is just repeating itself month after month. Same steps. Same results. Not Pregnant. Now I’m not quite to the point of no return like Bill was and I don’t plan on trying to kill the groundhog to end this time loop… yet. We are however about to make the big money jump to start seeing a reproductive specialist. I can’t wait to spend thousands of dollars in hopes that a doctor can make my body do what it’s supposed to do naturally. Don’t mind me, just a little more bitter and sarcastic today than usual. Of course, I take no responsibility for this and blame it all on the hormones.

In all seriousness, I would pay and do whatever it takes so that I can hopefully experience the joy of pregnancy one day. And I mean, I’m not being greedy here. I’m just asking for one little miracle. I mean, two would be great, but one is all I need. Just to experience that sweet little baby growing inside me is honestly something I’m aching for and that ache has only grown since the day I feel in love with my husband. I want more than anything to see OUR little human. Half me; half him. Unfortunately, each month I’m told no and have to start the process over it becomes harder and harder to swallow.

Praying for a miracle soon because I’m not sure how much longer I can take hanging out with Bill and Phil. Happy Groundhog Day!


What I feel like I see every month…



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